On Monday, James and I went to the Muny in Forest Park. We were operating under the assumption that "Miss Saigon" was opening that night.

We parked about a bajillion miles from the Muny. On the walk to the theater, it was clear something wasn't right. "There sure are a lot of kids here for 'Miss Saigon,'" James remarked. I agreed.

A bit closer, we saw vendors selling T-shirts and souvenirs. Odd. And a few steps closer we heard children singing karaoke.

"We're all in this together! / Once we know / That we are / We're all stars / And we see that ..."

My finger is on the pulse of pop culture just enough to know that those are lyrics from "High School Musical," which was onstage at the Muny the previous week. We thought it had closed on Sunday -- the usual end to a Muny production.

It had not. The show was so popular that it was playing three extra days.

We decided to bite the bullet and stay for the train wreck that surely would ensue.

Neither of us had other plans. And I had read an awful review of the show in the Riverfront Times -- which I would link to if I could locate it on their terrible Web site (something to the effect of "How bad does a show at the Muny have to be not to receive a standing ovation? You have until Wednesday to find out.")

I had to see if it was as ridiculous as I imagined it would be.

On our way into the theater, we ran into P-D theater critic Judy Newmark. I asked her for her professional opinion, which proved accurate: It's a good story with lessons about acceptance and being yourself and whatnot. And it's best enjoyed by 6-year-olds.

My assessment: "High School Musical" was the worst thing ever performed onstage before a live audience. Ever. It was an OK made-for-TV movie -- yeah, I watched it once while channel surfing -- but it did absolutely nothing to hold my attention for two hours in the muggy nighttime air.

The family of possums that strolled across the batten (the frame atop the stage that supports the lights) definitely stole the show. Thank God somebody did.

Even worse than the show onstage, though, was the performance of the audience.

A few weeks ago, in this very blog, I classified "hell" as a trip to discount-grocer Aldi. I would like to revise that statement.

Hell is an 11,000-seat outdoor theater packed to the gills with ill-behaved children and their equally rude parents.

You would have thought we were in the stands at Busch Stadium.

People arrived late. And stood around in the aisles. And hoisted their kids into the air. And went to the restrooms. And talked. And sang along with the actors.

Overpriced beer made the experience only marginally bearable.

I realize that a show like "HSM" attracts a decidedly different audience from, say, "The Producers" the week before.

But it's really never too early to teach your loudmouth kids -- or yourself -- about theater etiquette for the times when civilized adults are seated behind you trying to get their $17 worth.

So here, free of charge, is a helpful reminder of unacceptable theater behavior:

• Talking
• Singing
• Arriving late
• Bringing in Taco Bell food
• Standing in the aisle
• Leaving your seat during the performance
• Photography
• Talking on the phone
• Leaving your seat before the actors exit the stage

To put to use a lyric from the show: "Getcha head in the game."

And leave the kids at home when "Miss Saigon" begins.

Restaurant review | Beso Mexican Grill & Cantina
1130 Washington Ave., St. Louis
314.588.7864, beso-stl.com

I never got a chance to check out Red, the trendy nightspot that occupied the Washington Avenue space before Beso. I heard it had suffered from something of an identity crisis: Its owners couldn't agree on what Red should be.

I did get a chance to check out Beso a few weeks ago, however.

My first impression was a good one. While pieces of the decor clearly were leftovers from the previous venture -- TVs in the booths, for example -- I liked that it didn't look like a traditional Mexican restaurant inside.

Sort of sports-bar-meets-Mexico.

I did find it a bit annoying, though, that the overhead music skipped the whole time I was there. I think it was one song that stopped abruptly and replayed, over and over and over. Employees made a few panicked attempts to fix it, but it was no good.

My party began with house margaritas -- the true test for success. Our consensus: If you like the taste of sweet-and-sour mix, they're great.

I went out on a limb and tried a Blue Lagoon margarita from the vast drink menu. It was delicious and appropriately mixed.

The dining menu has the Mexican staples, but it also offers a few surprises -- like shark. My portabella quesadilla was tasty and arrived in a timely manner.

The owner (one of the co-owners of Red) seated our party, and our server was attentive and pleasant. Overall, my experience was good.

Beso has been getting some negative attention lately in the blogosphere, though. A fellow downtown dweller brought the scandal to my attention last week.

Apparently, someone posted a negative review of Beso on Yelp, a restaurant rating site. Beso's owner then contacted the reviewer and threatened some pretty hateful things if she didn't remove her review.

They say any publicity is good publicity, but this story has spread like wildfire, especially among the downtown community. Word of mouth can make you or break you.

My advice: Give Beso a chance, and check it out for yourself. Downtown needs restaurants that will succeed.

Just review it at your own risk.

Restaurant review | B&T Pizza
1131 Washington Ave., St. Louis
314.621.2400, bntpizza.com

I was so excited when I heard a new pizza joint had opened downtown a few weeks ago. Heck, I'm excited when anything opens downtown. I don't even like or have service from Sprint, but I almost wet myself when I saw them opening a store at Tucker and Washington.

So when my friend Beth came for a lunchtime visit, I knew I had to take her to check it out the pizza.

I hope she can find it in her heart to visit again in spite of that.

Upon my first visit to B&T Pizza, which opened in the heart of the Downtown Loft District recently, I wasn't sure what to make of it. While the exterior is well designed and tidy, it's a bit inconspicuous. Beth drove past the place a couple of times before she realized she had arrived.

The interior looks like an Ikea ad: Everything is gray or metallic, and, on a sunny day, one easily could go blind in there.

B&T specializes in "street slices," originating from the custom of eating a slice of pizza while either standing or walking, the restaurant's menu explains.

A couple of standard varieties -- pepperoni and cheese -- are kept out on the counter. But the menu offers other topping options.

On my first visit, I tried the plain cheese -- hard to screw up, I figured. It was pretty bland, and the crust was a bit hard.

Beth's assessment was that it was "OK." I think she had pepperoni and mushroom.

I decided to give 'em a second shot tonight at dinner.

I settled on the Queens slice: pepperoni, Italian sausage, ham, black olives, fresh mushrooms, green peppers and red onions. I also ordered a House salad: Romaine lettuce, mozzarella, tomatoes, green peppers, fresh mushrooms, red onions and the house vinaigrette.

Verdict: The pizza was less than delicious, but the salad was delicious.

My previous experience with pizza has been that the toppings are added in such a way that the cheese and sauce hold them onto the crust. This was not the case at B&T.

The man behind the counter pulled my slice out of the oven looking fully assembled, but when I sat down to eat it, it was a pepperoni-and-cheese slice with the rest of the toppings just piled on top. Many of them fell off when I picked it up.

One of the things I learned by watching "Top Chef" is that food must be easy to eat as well as delicious and attractively presented. This pizza was anything but easy to eat. And it certainly was not delicious.

I will return to B&T. Possibly at night, since they're open late.

But I'm having salad.